"this base is pretty lame.."
 -Snowheed (comment on tabflame)
 
 Does everyone have that seasonal mood disorder thingy? (where you feel really
 good during Summer, but when Fall/Winter comes around you just feel like shit.)
 
 There seems to be a lot of negative energy everywhere around me (woo.. how very
 spiritual of you Candide.)
 I'm guessing that it's around you too. (?)
 
 Where is this sense of 'hopelessness' coming from?
 
 "I almost ran over an angel..."
 -Tori Amos (on my stereo right now)
 
 I think everyone should go take a dip in a cold lake (a skinny dip).
 I'm going to come over to everyone's house, and kidnap you, and take you off
 somewhere. We'll go break into Playland, and wel turn on all the rides that
 we want to go on. and we'll just ride them all until we puke.
 We'll find the joy that those rides used to bring us, and memories will flood
 your mind and you'll cry, but no one will be there to laugh at you. We'll all
 get into some kind of circle/link and we'll just have one of those group hug
 things, and no one will bring up the subject of chatboarders, or warez, or
 "hongers", or whatever racial/sexual/mind set prejudice that you have.
 
 Anything that is bothering you will be swept away with your tears, and all that
 you will feel will be a mix between exctasy, orgasm, love, inner-peace, and
 some kind of sickness in your stomach.. the sickness will come from you
 thinking that all your life (except for when you were a baby) that you lived
 with all this putridness in your life. you lived it. And now that it is all
 gone, your empty.
 But like I said, you'll quickly be filled with a mix of love, and happiness,
 and whatever. It'll be a better high than you can get from any drug, it'll open
 your mind quicker than LSD or meditation.
 
 What a psycho I must be. What a terrible idea to have in such a terrible world.
 How dare I be optimistic.
 
 I was reading, that if you are going to slit your wrist you don't go from side
 to side (perpendicular to the artery) but length-wise. (parallel) I never
 thought about it before. You can go into a drug store, and you can buy some
 chemical that will numb the skin, and you won't even feel a thing.
 
 
 How sick. Gawd.
 
 No! We'll go to a mountain.
 We'll go to a mountain with lots of snow on top, and we'll have our inner-tubes
 under our arms, and we'll have snowboards, and we'll ski... Everyone will be
 laughing as someone starts a snowball fight. Hot chocolate will be poured into
 our mugs. We'll go for a walk, we'll admire the beauty of the skyline. Someone
 will say "I'm getting tired", and everyone will yawn and agree. People will get
 to there hands and knees and will start to build a huge igloo.
 We'll be some kind of collective person/entity sleeping inside of that igloo.
 There won't be walls dividing us, no one will worry about what others think of
 their body..
 People who can't sleep will tell stories to each other. No one will care if you
 and your partner decide to make love. No "gawd, can't you take it somewhere
 else?!". Someone will laugh, fall back and knock the walls of the igloo. The
 igloo will fall.. fall onto everyone.
 People will stand up, brush themselves off and say in a cheery voice "My
 genitals are cold", and will grab the person closest to them for warmth as
 people with clothing on go and build another igloo.
 
 How about nicotine. Nicotine is lethal. I wonder if I smoke enough, maybe I can
 kill myself.
 The crack on the streets now is completely lethal. Maybe I'll save
 up some money, and I'll inject myself with enough to kill me.
 
 
 "This is necessary. Life feeds on life"
 -Tool
 
 Did you know, nothing matters anymore?
 No one seems to give a damn what happens.
 It's elite to say this shit now.
 Because you're conscious now.
 You're self-aware.
 You've got an opposable thumb.
 Woo.
 You non-conformists are all non-alike.
 "Hey dude. That's deep"
 -Me (said in a mocking voice to myself)
 
 It's all deep. Nothing is as it seems, everything has got a meaning behind it.
 Nothing is meaninglessness.
 
 Meat. Meat is the body.
 Mind. Mind has nothing to do with meat.
 
 "God sometimes you just don't come through"
 -Tori Amos (again? Woo.. she turns me on)
 
 I wonder who can read this far, without falling a sleep? I know I'm at the edge
 of my consciousness.
 
 Everything is a phallic symbol?
 Man "rules" the world, so it must be. Right? (nice logic)
 
 No.. I think I like James Joyce's (Ivar's) idea better.
 We'll shed the excess weight of our bodies, and we'll enter our minds into some
 kind of cyberspace. Something much more than just this message. these
 electrons. It'll be some kind of extension of yourself. You won't need to worry
 about body gloves, or H.U.D's., you'll be linked in through your brainstem.
 Yeah. We won't have to worry about anything, except for a careless cat that may
 accidently knock over our mindless bodies, and bring us back to 'reality'
 
 Don't I just make you sick? Maybe I'll go cut off an ear?
 
 I want my god.
                                                             I am, Candide
                                             (still missing my left buttock)
 
 ...
 
 
 ** Don't I just make you sick? Maybe I'll go cut off an ear? **
 been done.
 something radical eh ?
 tormented misunderstood genius..
 hmm.
 flashes like these makes me think everyone here fits
 that description.
 everyone shows it.
 I really like what's been going on.
 it's so good to be understood.
 this poem was written by you
 with me going through you it seems.
 I feel the same way so often.
  and the thing is
  there aren't many twisted individuals like us.
  all of us he.
  what we do is good.
 fuck we gotta get it out man.
 get more people like us
 network these thoughts.
 feedback.
 more forces more concepts more sides
 to make you reevaluate yourself.
 the more the better.. the different angles let you see the back sides of your
 current ideals..
 
 !
 halb
 
 dj james joyce
 @1994

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