Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages...
step right up and read the world famous, self-referencing
ONELINER STORIES OF THE SCREAMING TOMATO!
There once was a lady from who's body was shpaed like a.......
blueberry pie. In fact, she WAS a blueberry pie! She woke up
one morning to find that someone had eaten her!
"ouch" she said. for being eaten when one isn't conscious is
ticklish. she laughed and giggled, but then noticed she was
getting fucked doggy style ! what a "poochie" predicament
like bunnicula, who sucks on a tomato and turns it white.
suddenly, the president walked into
a fat man. A very very fat man.The fat man asked the president
why I was eating an arm, to which I quickly replied, "It's
Huh huh... Hey, Beavis... "12 Monkeys" Huh huh huh...
powered with energizer bateries, they keep going and going and
and going and going and going and going and going and going
until a fat lady sat on them
and suddenly the batteries disappeared. We know not where to,
but we have considered a trip to purchase some pliers and
some cool megavolt batteries ! I love getting electtrical
Can you say: "Ovriboidal Empricoscity?" Good. I knew u cood.
But do you know what it means? It's kinda warped it means that
you can't have any eggs hatched from your nose, which actually
sucks. That reminds me of the time my mother laid an egg, but
who wants to hear that one again?! Not me! Did you hear the
sandwich? Oh never mind, it's just a bunch of bologna. Oh deer
i just stabbed my brand-new silkscreen with an x-acto knife.
for some strange reason, the exacto knife talked and said :
"I am going to make you eat chopsticks!" but suddenly,the chop
stick scenario disappeared ! And lo and behold, I was in
parrotland, where a hoard of angry parrots & cockatiels started
pecking away at my bellybutton and dying of food poisoning so
I started eating them back. Soon i was healthy, and they
were rather intoxicated due to the chemical composition of
milk, milk, and more milk. I decided the best solution to rid
myself of these lactose intolerant birds would be to say: "
west up f0?
But instead of saying such a moronic vociferation, I'd concoct
a formula which would the rid the world of siamese twins that
cause such an enormous demand for those god-damned birds. So,
using the penis enlarger I saw in the back of an assorted porn
store, i sat in a large bush, and waited...
and waited, and waited... but darn it, those twins just weren'
t buying the inflatable sex sheep like they were supposed to..
so I thought that I'd just have to find some more tantalising
elves to entertain my 2 year old neice. All the fairy-folk
loved my penis enlarger. It was called "The Penis Pump 2000"
and it at least kept my tubesteak rock hard and out of the
electric cables attached to the side of my house.(I am 25ft ta
boot!) Unfortunately, the electric cable has the side effect
in that it zaps ground beef into penisburgers. This is too
bad for the beef, because i am keeping the Pump. I need it and
have noticed that it not only pumps my trouser snake large, it
also serves as a portable microwave. This had led me to the
conclusion that my penis runs on water right now, and that
in a few years, i might be able to get a charcoal burning one.
then again, charcoal is so bad for the environment that it
goes black when exposed to the breath of Silent Knight :)
Holy Knight.. all is calm. all is right.. Round yon virgin,
mother and HERMAPHRODITIC BEAST FROM HADES
A most Peculiar combination Holmes, but I fail to see what you
intend to prove by your interesting, yet thoughtless deduction
other than proving yourself to be a total nincompoop. i see
that my butt is throbbing with anal juices butt then again
that could just be a protrusion from this rather spiked chair
that was once used by Dear old Dad Kevorkian. He killed us
during a fit of sublime ignorance and futile depression that
Nitnatsnoc once described as "one's inner vision to deny a
machine capable of perpetual motion: ergo, the human form is
mutated forever. Oh well, what the hell.
It was a Catch-22 situation. No way in, even if we could get
one of those fancy techno-thingamajigs.. It's really too bad
Religion is the opiate of the masses - Karl Marx
and that is what I may say for this time because it probobly
means that I can't spell anything cuz I suck eggs, and that
Oh, what a tangled web we weave - Hair Club for Men
Silly putty in our hands). We searched for days and days and
days and days and days and days and days and days and days and
christianity is stupid. communism is good. negativland spanks.
HEY...that's MY line and I didn't write it - Grail
the golden domed iglesias shone in moonlit skies, i sought you
and shot you and served you for dinner. one potato two potato
six potato, fries. Would you like a burger with that?
I'm good enough, I'm cool enough.. and DOGGONEIT! Peoplelikeme
no acid pack for january???
So this is the famous one-liners that I saw in Kithe #9
Concrete: SAVE BREAD TO SINK THE U-BOAT. BUY WAR BONDS.
blah blah blah.. that's hilarious. I'll buy one today.. blah..
hey those endless stories are over? poo hoo hoo. start another
one... Once upon a time, there was Concrete. and it was good.
It was soooo good that people would yell "Spam!" whenever they
read it. Unfortunately, the corporation that owned Spam was
Yes, indeed they were, and they were very unhappy as to the
woo! new nofx album out! pretty sick cover.. but cool muzak
just isn't my style, I prefer the classical-ska-punk fusion of
I believe I recall this guildhouse?! Hmmm?
what, Heavy Petting Zoo? yuk. Noff Ecks Sux :)
yuk yuk kuy kuy
Sublime or best folks... Sublime or bust.
ack fuck that nofx rules.. but new 1 is not as good as last 1
nofx tomorrow at the commodore, damned sold out
slam my head against your wall
NOFX rocks my world! ;)
NOFX got sold out!
Generic Epitaph-type punk sucks.
no january acid pak???
N.eurological O.ppressing F.ascist X.enophobes?
N.eds O.ragne F.unky X.-rays