Mayo / I looked upon the pearly jar, and wondered what was there; / to open up this relic was the purpose of my dare. / It seemed the small container had been with us for so long; / From fridge's hoary breath, the expiration date was gone. / The other guys, they said that I could join their little 'clique', / But only if I opened up this jar and took a peek. / I couldn't figure out but why, that rule seemed so insipid, / But if it meant I'd join their club, I'd look at creamy lipid. / I closed my eyes, I grit my teeth, and gripped upon the lid. / And soon would I discover what within this jar was hid. / The top popped off, I put it down, and took a look inside; / Saw nothing but a leath'ry skin, a aged creamy hide. / And so dismayed, I started back, and put the mayo down; / When deep from from far within the jar there came a hellish sound. / The plain white jar began to dance, it tipped, it hopped, it quaked; / Across the membrane, waves appeared, the semi-solid shaked. / And there, emerging suddenly, so plain before my eyes, There came, extending slowly, quite abruptly, a surprise. / Reaching out at me there came a supernat'ral hand, / Grabbing at my shoulder with a grip I'd not withstand. / It pulled me in, from head to feet, the lid was then replaced; / Forevermore, the only sense I'd know would be its taste. / Floating in a wonderland of clouds and currents dreamy, / and swimming in an endless sea of beaten egg-whites creamy. / Into that evil cursed jar I never should have gazed; / For now I float, inert and soft, inside the mayonnaise.

-- ansi by questor and prophet, lit by cthulu.  click here for the original ansi released in Integrity July 1995 --