I can taste with my feet.

~For those of use with a metatarsal tone to our pallets..

One day, as I was walking around my house barefoot, I stepped on a raisin.

To my surprise, I could actually taste raisins! It was an unbelievable sensation.

So, I emptied out the refrigerator onto the floor, and began stepping on food. Sure enough, I could taste the milk, the cheese, the tomatoes and the butter. I shouldn't have stepped on that strange blue loaf though.

Anyway, I had to go out, so I decided I should probably put on some socks and shoes, but when I put on my socks, I immediately puked. I never realized how bad those puppies tasted.

Now, that might not have been so bad, but as gravity tends to make you puke down, I puked on my feet. I think I just lay on the floor twitching for about 5 minutes before I could finally drag myself to the tub to have a bath.

Soap tastes bad.

Anyway, I took out a pair of clean socks and tossed some mint extract on them, and that seemed to help.

So, I headed out into the world with my newfound ability.

On the way, I passed a bank. I saw that it was bring robbed!

"How can I use my power to help mankind, and stop this robbery?" I thought, and began taking off my shoes.

Then I realized how useless the ability to taste things with your feet is in such a situation, and sheepishly began to put my socks back on.

You know, that gum stuck to the street doesn't lose ALL its flavour...

Forgetting I was still in front of the bank, I gathered up my footwear and started to move on.

Suddenly the doors burst open and the bank robber tripped over me. I was the first one to get back up, so I kicked him in the face. Man, some people taste bad. He had eaten bacon and eggs for breakfast.

His blood started pouring out all over the pavement. I was in such a state of shock, I couldn't move. At least, not until I tasted the blood. Now that was bad.

By the time the police got there, I was running around the grassy field across the street, in the sprinklers, shouting, "Ewwwwww! Ewwwwww!"

Well, it didn't take them long to lock me up in the local loony bin.

So, when the doctor came to ask what was wrong with me, I interjected before the cop could answer, "I can taste with my feet! That would drive anyone nuts!"

They locked me up in their tightest straitjacket and threw me in their tightest room.

Whenever I was brought a plate of food, I'd just stomp on it until I decided if I wanted to eat it or not.

Well, it's pretty dull in here. And padded rooms, I gotta tell you, taste BAD. Once, though, in a struggle with many doctors and nurses, I managed to stick my feet down a nurse's blouse. Well, maybe it's not such a useless ability after all!

AUTHOR: Livewire