Dealophile

Ism.

Communism is dead.

Tell 3 billion Chinese that.

Idealism.

Ever wonder why democracy isn't an ism?

Because that would make it capitalism.

Capitalism: Means if you work hard enough, you can have

everything.

Anything, even.

Okay, now for the REAL definition.

Capitalism: If you aren't smart enough

or your daddy couldn't put you through university

or you never got your lucky break

or you had to take that dead-end job at McDonald's

instead of the potentially successful position at, say, a

graphics layout and design company, because you felt this intense

urge to not die of starvation

Means that you're going to end up drooling on yourself and

babbling about those black-faced men who want your teeth, dying

in a discarded cardboard box from a liquor store, an urban

infection

All because the school system taught you to know but never taught

you to think.

Means, ultimately, that the rich get richer and the poor get

deader.


Wite-Out

Cheerios

Coca-Cola

Microsoft

Sony

International Business Machines

Smith & Wesson

Uncle Zeke's Really Great Maple Syrup


See that? That's a trademark. Means it's my idea and you can't

take it. Means I get to make money off of it and you get to

starve. All because I was in line before you. Doesn't matter

that you thought of it first, and then told your sister, who told

her cousin, who told his wife, who told everyone at the All-Nite

Juice Bar for People With Navel Disabilities, and then one of

those poor souls ended up telling his grandmother, who on her

deathbed imparted the secret to yours truly, and made me promise

never to tell anyone ever, stick a needle in my eye. Well, I got

it copyrighted first and then I couldn't find a needle and was

too lazy to lift my finger and put that in my eye instead, and

who cares anyways, cuz now I could buy meself a new eye with this

five-figure check they just gave me for stealing your idea...


AUTHOR: Coyote