Pooky, My Pet Dot Matrix Printer

My printer makes a lot of noise

when printing pages out

with buttons, dials and other toys

adorning its beige snout.

Then one day I realized

it's trying to talk to me,

so through the feed I fed french fries

'cause he sounded so hungry!

But greasy hot potato strips

don't make good printer food

With beeps and whistles and blips

he said he didn't feel good.

So I asked poor Pooky what was wrong

whatever could it be?

His answer took not very long;

here's what he said to me:

His hexadecimal messages

printed as fast as I could decode 'em,

but it was clear that what the pages hinted

was that he was in love with my modem.

Of course this took me by surprise

and knocked me to the floor

and suddenly, from Pooky's eyes

ink tears began to pour.

I thought about it long and hard

but the news would not be palatable

the simple fact was that my I/O card

just was not compatible.

I stuck the knife in to the hilt

as gently was I was able;

"The parallel port with which you're built

won't accept a serial cable."

Well Pooky was sad and wouln't print

my print jobs any more

but the last straw came when I went

and bought a fourteen-four.

He slagged me through the Internet

and shredded all my work

so now I'm buying a Bubblejet

if he's going to be such a jerk.

But I'll never throw out Pooky dear

to such a cruel fate

in fact, look down, he's still right here

being used as a paperweight.

It's just as well a romantic fling

never was aroused

because the fickle little thing

was cheating with my mouse!

- Lovingly inscribed by Livewire