I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that. / I got to work late, and I thought I was safe / but the boss caught me up with a sadly short chase. / Being on time, that is why you were hired. / Now fix up this network or else you'll be FIRED! / It looked oh too easy, I had to stay late; / I was flipping through pages at ten after eight. / It was me and the server; alone, just us two. / I wished that us techies weren't so far and few. / Control-alt-delete, as I tried to reboot it; / on try twenty-three I was ready to shoot it. / The cursor, it flickered, so gentle and soft, / like the small beating wings of a hypnotized moth. / Try the reset button - File not found. / And then it proceeded to make a small sound. / It wasn't a beep, and it wasn't a squeal; / More like the shriek of a rodent reveiled. / It must be a virus, I must wipe the RAM... / I'd gone through much more than an average man. / I went for the power bar, pressed on the button; / Was shocked into silence by the result - nuttin'. / Instead of a menu, a password prompt blinked; / I cursed at the cursor, which gleefully winked. / There went that noise again! How could it be? / That fickle computer was LAUGHING at me! / Rows upon rows of a blankness infernal - / I wanted to smash the non-compliant terminals. / I put down my printouts and went for my drill - / Resynching THIS sucker would sure be a thrill! / I unscrewed the cover and picked up the case - / A gigavolt charge put me flat on my face! / I ran the hell out while my hair was still smoking - / My skin's got more worth than my co-worker's joking. / Resounding inside, from the floor to the rafters, / the digitized noise of the stubborn LAN's Laughter.

-- ansi by iodine, lit by cthulu.  click here for the original ansi released in Legend #2, September 1995 --