BY POPULAR DEMAND... PRODUCED BY BEDIENUNGSANLEITUNG INDUSTRIES With Co-operation from the PORT MOODY Police We Bring you... TabFOOD : Part II The return of the Tabmonkeys (the breakfast edition) HOWDY!!! Let's cook breakfast now... WHY?!??! CUZ there's so many fucking whiners out there who (probably due to some mental deficit) feel left out becuz they weren't COOKED and maimed on the last menu... Maybe it's cuz they're into that auto-eroticism thing... or S&M???? Who knows... WHO CARES?!!??!?! Let's get a cookin pardner... "Roadkill COYOTE with eggs" Ahh yes... the wonderful taste of roadkill... Why roadkill? There's a few treats from using roadkill as compared to fresh meat... One: It's already tenderized... Especially if its been smooshed by a Mack truck... Two: The taste of the tires that were used to run over it, OR the flavour and texture caused by chrome bumpers is simply exquisite and can't be matched by anything else... So... Take one Roadkill Coyote (preferably not TOO decayed, if possible...) carefully peel off the hair and assorted goo that maybe left on it, but take care so as not to lose those lovely bits of rubber and chrome... Set frying pan to HIGH setting (Coyotes get cooked REAL fast) Fry until the meat is a golden brown Then add eggs, and stir the shit up... MMMMMmmm... goes well with 30W motor-oil shakes... "BOO HOO Eoanya" This is not an easy recipe... So take care to follow the instructions CAREFULLY lest you want a subtle explosion of tears in your kitchen... FIRST!!! Take one Eoanya and CHOP her... Then... MAIM her... Next toss her in a pan to fry... then add some onions (to help the tears come out) and SAUTEE those puppies... After this is done, add some FINESSE shampoo... Now be sure not to use too much... I have found about a capful seems to work BEST... cuz she just loves finesse... Serve on a platter with feminist literature for napkins... and maybe some PRETTY GIRLY flowers in her mouth... and up her nose... and in her ears... IN FACT... Stick some flowers in every orifice available (Some holes maybe lost during the cooking process...) MMMmmmm.. doesn't that sound just yummy yummy? "Aphrael On toast" Ehhhhh... TOAST!!! pretty hard eh? put APHRAEL on TOAST!!! GET HER TOASTED!!!! TOAST TOAST TOAST!!!! She is toast... you are toast... everyone is now toast... So enjoy the toastiness that is toast... but not powdered... no no... powdered toast will not do... YOU MUST USE REAL TOAST!!! And serve with some Corn FLAKES, or maybe some Fruit Loops... they seem to make sense... And a big fat DOOB!!!! THAT's it... I just can't perform under all this pressure... what was once a joke has become a chore... so NO MORE!!!! it is such a bore... it's not even funny anymore... Credits: The following people/companies/organizations/weirdos have sponsored this T-file... Those wacky Jehovah's Witnesses again... Hey... ya gotta love em... Yer local LUNATIC that lives downstairs and won't get help for her mental disorder... Like I'm playing Grateful Dead at a reasonably LOW volume at 6:30 in the evening and she ahs the GALL to come and pester me about it being too loud... Then she proceeds to play piano until 9:30... like what a fucking FRUIT she is... then you can hear her screaming her fucking lungs out at 11:30 if you put some dishes away... FUCK YOU ya Mental Case... Get some Lithium or sumtin... Or maybe a nice stay in RIVERVIEW!??!?! Your Dentist... See them every six months, or you'll have to go through an agonizing hour or so of SCALING becuz you were too stupid to brush on a regular basis and haven't seen them for almost two years... Marijuana... For allowing me to see all that I can be, but not actually achieve anything cuz ya get too STONED to do anything... Frank Zappa... Why? WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?!? Black Sabbath (esp. Ozzy)... Fer making me go deaf with those high pitch vocals... SHIT!!!! Those little rubber mushrooms that use to come in those air freshners... They make really neat 'FARTING' sounds if you squeeze them while putting them on your lip... HAR HAR!!! A party classic... Konica... fer making really SHITTY film... FUCK... 20 out of 24 pictures were BLANK!!! LIKE HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN????? And of course... All the wonderful charismatic churches who have their roots in North America, for spewing out so much SHIT... and brainwashing their followers and turning them into FUCKING ZOMBIES like the chick downstairs (see previous credit...) Thank you... and good night... (OOOOOOhhhh... string those weasels up by the balls... make them spin in their over-alls... Throw em all up and down the halllllllllllls... Cuz it's a righty mighty fine day-o)