marlo: I've been wondering about this for a lon

straight hedge yardcore (

marlo) wrote,
@ 2004-07-22 14:16:00

Current mood:

confused

I've been wondering about this for a long time. WTF is lobster porn? Does anyone know?

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	WTF is lobster porn? reluctance 2004-07-22 21:25 (link)
	You're a clever and imaginative girl -- I'm sure you can work it out. (Which is my way of saying: don't ask for evidence if you're not prepared to receive it.) ... Underclass prostitutes get lice; middle-class prostitutes get crabs, but upper-class prostitutes get nothing but lobster. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	Re: WTF is lobster porn? marlo 2004-07-22 21:37 (link)
	no SERIOUSLY, I really want to know. Are there lobsters in it? Are they pinching labia? (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

>no SERIOUSLY, I really want to know.

reluctance
2004-07-22 22:04 (link)

June 1994, Jazz Festival, Drum Heat. A gang of unruly teenagers (aka TABNet) including myself are loitering in the lobby waiting for the free performance, discussing, as teenagers are wont to do, extreme things designed to top each other for shock value. One of them (now the man responsible for the online community of BC Bears (aka hairy homosexuals)) claims to have something that can top all our claims: lobster porn. Relative innocents, it takes us a while to wrap our minds fully around the concept just introduced to us. Exhausted by the contemplation of the possibilities, l'il Rowan stands up and proclaims: LOBSTER PORN? THAT'S SO ... DISGUSTING! Except no; somewhere in his little head wires got crossed and he didn't say "... DISGUSTING!" Losing his way in the gratuitous pause, instead he said "... BORING!"

... giving him a somewhat undeserved reputation as a worldly man, wise beyond his years.

...

August, 1995. At a Fireworks meet, the man who upped the ante unveils on the escalator up out of Burrard Station a folded printout of The Lobster Porn. Just a glimpse -- it's not visible for longer and, in truth, none has the stomach or stamina to let their gaze linger upon it. It's vague -- the logistics difficult to work out, but the woman is undeniably there, undeniably naked... and there is the lobster. Pardon me while I puke.

...

December, 1997. Chillaxing on the IRC, an international misfit pipes up about his latest exploit, cracking open an illegal zoophile FTP server full of bestiality pics of every type imaginable. Every type imaginable? ponders our skeptical protagonist. Surely no... lobsters! Funny you mention that, they respond... dig this! Naturally, it's the same piece -- not fondly-remembered, but unmistakable.

...

August, 2004. The annual TABNet anniversary meet, bumped up to August from November to coincide with a wedding. One of the items on the scavenger hunt is a "big fucking Q" (en homage to Dennis Leary and Lonsdale Quay) -- bonus points for the biggest and fuckingest. Letting the size queens play their game, we print one out full-screen, equip its "queue" with a condom (ribbed and microdotted), and prepare a partner for it with a slot B to fit its "tab" A -- the partner naturally a lobster.

...

July, 2005. This story ends in your gmail in-box. You can share it with your readers at your discretion and on your bandwidfth 8)

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	Re: >no SERIOUSLY, I really want to know. marlo 2004-07-22 22:15 (link)
	HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you are one of the best (and most prolix) storytellers I know. awesome. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	debaucheryofgod 2004-07-22 21:53 (link)
	HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. you will never know. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	debaucheryofgod 2004-07-22 21:54 (link)
	well, you might know someday.. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

	well, you might know someday.. reluctance 2004-07-22 22:05 (link)
	Dude, I just spilled all the beans. Whoops. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

	Re: well, you might know someday.. debaucheryofgod 2004-07-22 22:26 (link)
	i dont know how you ever plan to keep tabnet 31i73+++ with your huge mouth. (Reply to this)(Parent)

what I really want to know is

reluctance
2004-07-22 22:11 (link)

... assuming we didn't somehow inadvertently infect you with our meme, what on earth motivated this post? "Lobster porn", as a concept, has been happily languishing in obscurity for years now, an interest shared only by two unknown livejournal users -- what's your lobster-porn angle? Why do you disturb it from its slumber?

Have you been reading The Shadow Over Innsmouth again?
(haha -- one of the two interested:

mermaidluvr

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Re: what I really want to know is

marlo
2004-07-22 22:14 (link)

OK now I am Laughing Out Loud, a lot. That is a disturbing picture! If the other half of the lobster is, indeed, in there, ouch.

I don't actually know how I heard about it! I think it was one of those instances of synchronicity that I just couldn't ignore. I had heard too many random people mention it. I never even thought about the fact that they might all be E3ers. And in fact, I can't remember now. I just remember trying to google lobster porn and my search being unsuccessful.

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

	Re: what I really want to know is marlo 2004-07-22 22:21 (link)
	oops I said E3 when I meant E2, of course. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: what I really want to know is marlo 2004-07-22 22:18 (link)
	also, okay, what I really thought was that it was analagous to bear porn (which I have indeed heard of before) - people having sex with really sunburned people. or burn victims. or people who like to pinch each other. and now I am laughing out loud all over again. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	this and finding out about "ass-tulips" stoney321 2004-07-22 23:04 (link)
	today have scarred me for life. I need to wash out my eyeballs. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	Re: this and finding out about "ass-tulips" marlo 2004-07-22 23:19 (link)
	okay, your turn to share. (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

Re: this and finding out about "ass-tulips"

stoney321
2004-07-22 23:40 (link)

Dear lord. Let's say Jimmy and Sue are having anal sex. Sue has tight cheeks, so Jimmy is really putting the business to her. Jimmy finishes up, and Sue is holding "it" in. Jimmy whoops and hollers and commands, "now!" Sue pushes it out so hard, that she kinda turns inside out around the edges. "Gosh Sue. Those were some mighty fine ass tulips."

Rectal distention. Not associated with a high fiber diet.

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

	Re: this and finding out about "ass-tulips" marlo 2004-07-23 14:35 (link)
	::whimper!:: (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: this and finding out about "ass-tulips" marlo 2004-07-23 18:51 (link)
	okay, have to get you back for this one: now feel free to wash your eyeballs. ;D (Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

	Re: this and finding out about "ass-tulips" stoney321 2004-07-23 19:17 (link)
	AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I just HAD to come back here. Good. God. And no clickity click on the clit for HER pleasure??? Your sick and twisted mind has filled me with dreck. And secret joy... Bah!!! If you get really tired of ho hum lobster fucking, take a trip on over to consumptionjunction.com and be prepared to take your life. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	zombiefodder 2004-07-22 23:21 (link)
	And earlier, you were apologizing for your journal being too boring?!?!? (Reply to this)

	darla 2004-07-22 23:25 (link)
	Lobster Porn was a movie that my secret society friends and i made back in the spring of 2002 as our entry in Wellesley's yearly "show us what you've done this year" thing. i'm not sure where we got the idea from, but one of the two LJ users interested in it is my friend Sheree who helped film it. i was costume and prop director and Spanish Voice #2. : ) (Reply to this)

x405_w4lru5
2004-07-23 18:45 (link)

wow. that story up there was awesome.. though now that you've re-ignited this (long lost) portion of memory i recall sometime freshman year of college (1999-2000) my friends and i were talking about lobster porn. i think this was just after my roommate had spammed all our AIM names with links to goatse.cx and we were kinda pissed/amused at once. i don't remember details but someone claimed to have seen lobster porn (prolly my roommate), and for a while we thought that was the strangest bestiality ever.. and it became a running gag for a short while.. i think there were maybe 5 of us that knew of this at the time, in our area. i totally forgot about it until reminded by your question.

incidentally, while my roommate probably did find and look at that pic, and it's possible he showed it to me (i can't remember, i've seen too many such pix.. this was his hobby, and i used to read stileproject when bored), no one else in our group bothered to look, i don't think.

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